While even though i had the time of my life in Canada there were some days that i just felt so down and so low because i knew i wasn't doing what i know my life is called to and i guess i have felt so confused about how to get there and how capable i am.
I know i will not be content until i am doing what i know i'm supposed to be doing.....the encouraging thing is that i know without a doubt what i should be doing and i have known since i was 17. The hard part is trusting God with the unknown and the process of getting there. Trusting Him when others try and steer me elsewhere with "career" choices or what i "should" be doing. Or when i don't have support from the people that i desperately want support from.
I doubt myself way too much and that is something i am trying to work on, and to not let others have any influence over me in this area.
I just got back from a week-long youth camp.......and that only intensified my passion as i had such a great time getting to talk to a few of the girls i met there as they shared their stories and the pain in their lives with me and as we talked and prayed together through some of those things. This is soooo my passion and heart in life.......to walk alongside and love these young lives that need it. I am so anxious just about getting to that place in my life where i am fully walking on the path of my calling and doing exactlly what i should be as the Lord calls and leads me. My heart beat is so just to be there for this younger generation and do whatever i can or whatever it takes to help them in whatever small way i can to honor God and love on them........and let God do all He can.
I'm so nervous..........but also so excited and feel so reassured after all the opportunities during the week i had. It's so what i want to do, and i want to be doing it NOW.
Oh God, lead me, lead me, lead me i pray.
His love today has been a real comfort to my heart that gets so upset with family life and the brokenness of my family and how we are with each other.
But i know He is here, He loves, He leads, He guides, He fills those hurting voids in my life.
Oh how i love Him.
xx
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| loved watching the youth grow over the week. |
Hello my love,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I have been feeling the same way for the past few weeks. My life is moving along, and I feel BLESSed to have so much in life, but I don't feel...fulfilled. I feel empty, like I should be doing something MORE, and be filled with joy while doing it.
While I don't have a lot of words of wisdom to "solve" your struggles (if you are still going thro some, as I am) I did want to just tell you that I feel you. And that I absolutely 1000% believe in you. I don't think God put this much passion, desire, talent, love and hope inside of us, almost to the point where it hurts, and then to end up ... nothing. He gave you these dreams, he WILL show you a way.
What I do know is that if I try to focus more on how I think JESUS sees me, how GOD sees me, instead of how I see myself, I feel more confidence. When I focus on Thanking Him for things that have not happened yet, it brings a smile and a peace inside of me gradually.
A lot of love from my side of the globe. You are very much loved by MANY :)
p.s. I LOVE your quotes on fb. I am stealing them.
p.p.s I don't use by blogger account anymore, but I don't know why it won't let me post in wordpress even tho there's an option for it. BUT here is the blog that I do use publicly (but haven't posted in a very very long time) :P
http://dreamerxixi.wordpress.com/
*hughughughugHUG
Xixi