will not be content

Lately i have been really struggling with what i'm doing in life.

While even though i had the time of my life in Canada there were some days that i just felt so down and so low because i knew i wasn't doing what i know my life is called to and i guess i have felt so confused about how to get there and how capable i am.

I know i will not be content until i am doing what i know i'm supposed to be doing.....the encouraging thing is that i  know without a doubt what i should be doing and i have known since i was 17.  The hard part is trusting God with the unknown and the process of getting there.  Trusting Him when others try and steer me elsewhere with "career" choices or what i "should" be doing.  Or when i don't have support from the people that i desperately want support from.

I doubt myself way too much and that is something i am trying to work on, and to not let others have any influence over me in this area.

I just got back from a week-long youth camp.......and that only intensified my passion as i had such a great time getting to talk to a few of the girls i met there as they shared their stories and the pain in their lives with me and as we talked and prayed together through some of those things.  This is soooo my passion and heart in life.......to walk alongside and love these young lives that need it.  I am so anxious just about getting to that place in my life where i am fully walking on the path of my calling and doing exactlly what i should be as the Lord calls and leads me.  My heart beat is so just to be there for this younger generation and do whatever i can or whatever it takes to help them in whatever small way i can to honor God and love on them........and let God do all He can.

I'm so nervous..........but also so excited and feel so reassured after all the opportunities during the week i had.  It's so what i want to do, and i want to be doing it NOW.

Oh God, lead me, lead me, lead me i pray.

His love today has been a real comfort to my heart that gets so upset with family life and the brokenness of my family and how we are with each other.

But i know He is here, He loves, He leads, He guides, He fills those hurting voids in my life.

Oh how i love Him.
xx

loved watching the youth grow over the week.

farewell Canada

I haven't been so good with keeping up with this blogging thing....... But i'm gonna try be a bit more regular with it.

I said goodbye to Canada and all my Canadian family 3 weeks ago now.  Flip it was tough!!!  I really, reaaallyyy did not wanna leave.  I tried to avoid saying goodbye to everyone for as long as I could.

It's so strange, people kept questioning how i couldn't be excited to go home and see everyone back in NZ but the thing was i always knew i'd see everyone back home in NZ again and because i have the greatest of friends there i wasn't worried about when exactly it was i saw them again because i knew i WOULD see them again and that my friendships wouldn't of changed (and that remains true since returning home and seeing them all again and it has been wonderful to catch up with so many for sure)..........but saying goodbye to Canada and the people there........SO TOUGH because of knowing i probably wouldn't see so many of them again ....... or not for many years if ever, and that's hard.

Words don't really cut it to try to explain how amazing the people in BC were to me.  So many opened their homes to me, opened their families to welcome me in, opened their arms to embrace me, opened their hearts to share life with me, opened their doors at church to include me and make me feel at home there.  It was such an amazing experience that i will truely hold dear to my heart for as long as my brain has the capacity to treasure such memories, which i hope is forever.

I was overwhelmed with the amount of people i even had to say goodbye to and how many had touched and changed my life.......which led to 3 different farewell parties to attempt to make sure i did the rounds with everyone dear to me.

I'm not a fan of goodbye's.

I guess I really owe it all to God and all He did for me and provided for me and let me see and do while i was away.  He knows my need to be in "real" and "deep" friendships and that i can't do life without them.......and He brought way too many gifts my way in this area.  Of course i knew i would make some friends that i hoped would see me through.......but to make such GOOD friends with such genuine, real people was totally not really what i was expecting.  The amount of amazing people that came into my life and i formed such strong friendships with far exceeded any of my expectations and I am so incredibly grateful to God for bringing these people in my life that i hope to never forget.  And i am thankful to each one of them that loved on me and cared about me and led me to have such a memorable, special year away in such a beautiful, beautiful country.

I will miss you Canada.  May God keep you "glorious and free".

xx

In honour of those I love so much who are now on the other side of the world to me, here are just a few of them:

my sweet Brighid.  So young, so beautiful and so full of love for others and most of all for God.
Love her.

dear Sina.  My german friend who was so sweet and so fun!

some of my amazing foreign friends who accepted me in all my craziness!

Maricris.  A friend i really treasure and am so thankful for.
One who went out of her way for me right from the start.x

lovely Ann-Katrin and frenchy Sophie.

Mel aka "Gum"....will never forget our first intro to each other and what went down (I'm still laughing).  I value this woman, one who has been thru fire and come out the other side so much stronger.  Truely an inspiration to me.x

Yosh, Eric, Charlie and Krystal.....
awesome, amazing people who welcomed me in!

Crave friends..........all so kind and wonderful!!

Whitney aka Witty.......my very, very first true friend i made in Canada,
what a blessing to me she was.

Michelle, Tash, Jay......these ladies are so refreshing to be around and ALWAYS make me laugh!

my kiddo's.....Tye and Ellie.  I will always love you two.xx

Karla Babcock (Whitney's Mom).  One absolutely amazing, strong, compassionate,
loving,  welcoming lady that i will never forget.
(she also has one of the funniest sense of humor i've ever come across)

Lyle Babcock (Whitney's Stepdad).
Love him for his faith, strength, caring nature and positivity.  

Mel and Claud.
My au-pair neighbours that I'll always remember for bike riding round
the streets together for a frappucino drink in the summer or adventure into town.

wonderful Tash.
My roomie who opened her (parents) home to me,
who wasted so much petrol on me, who thought of me so often,
who did so many things for me when she didn't have to.  Such a gift!

Tsawwassen Family.
Jay, (me), Tash, Gatty, Kenzie, Whit, Brig.

And of course my sisters back in NZ who welcomed me back at 5.30 in the morning
and continue to always fill my heart with such joy to have such wonderful friends in my life.